童年記憶中 爸爸總是眉頭深鎖

好似時時刻刻都在思考著重要大事

當爸爸全神貫注在我身上時

大多是因為我又做了什麼”不太應該”的事

至今印象很深刻的是小學六年級的一個傍晚

我照慣例在想著什麼鬼點子+ 放肆的打混中

從天而降的一巴掌清脆的把我打醒

抬頭一看便是爸爸憤怒的眼神

“你這麼不認真一定考不上入學考試!”

丟下狠話後就怒氣沖沖的走了

我的眼淚劈哩啪啦的滑落

當時的委屈銘記在心 

誰要念那什麼鬼學校啊

幾個禮拜後奇蹟似的收到錄取通知

但記憶總是停留在被爸爸狠狠教訓的那一刻

有時候想想

那一巴掌是激發我考上的原因

還是白挨的呢?

事隔這麼多年

我成熟了不少

也可以理解為人父母的高難度挑戰

爸爸的關心來自嚴厲的督導與諄諄教誨

我也慢慢體會出這特有的父愛

無形但堅韌

即使我們越飛越高

拉扯我們的那絲細線卻始終存在

碰上狂風暴雨時

緊拉著線的你跟媽媽

一直都是我們最堅強的依靠

從來沒想過

有一天

我會無視你的存在

就是今天

就是釋懷

也太太太爽了吧

1. rapacious—@ first i thot it meant smth related to rape– definition: given to seizing for plunder or the satisfaction of greed.
2. agape—a grape? haha… i think this means slack-jawed—definition: with the mouth wide open, as in wonder, surprise, or eagerness
3. recalcitrant—resisting authority or control; not obedient or compliant;refractory
4. profligate–utterly and shamelessly immoral or dissipated; thoroughly dissolute–um is it bad, the first association to this word is my roommate’s bf? 
5. apartheid—any system or practice that separates people according to race, caste, etc.
6. agnosticism– i suppose this just means agnostic– a person who denies or doubts the possibility of ultimateknowledge in some area of study ie: GOD 

thank you for dropping me like a plasticizer-infused bubbletea; thank you, really, i’m not even being sarcastic.

now i know what my value is, and i know what i can tolerate. 

this is a write-off, like a case of bad expenses on the books.

i hope you’re happy, because there this was completely a one-shot fire-sale deal. 

okay, got that off my chest…

anger, anger, disappointment, *poof* 

nothing. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________

onto green pastures…

work filled up the arse lately but happily so, even though i complain alot i secretly relish

extra projects keeping every cell in my tiny brain preoccupied even while i sleep!

i look forward to the finish product and i look forward to devoting every working membrane to its cause.

 

 

wow. i feel a sense of urgency to sharpen speed and focus today.

i can literally hear the wheels in my head turning when i think.

that’s pretty bad, that’s like hearing your car hum when you drive, it means it’s too slow.

i admire other people’s success, i really whole-heartedly appreciate and know of the hard work that went into it

this is where i realize there’s not that much hard-work in my life that will put me where i want to be

wake up call! 

 

 

 

I too, have reach a plateau.

But it’s not the same kind as LC’s. 

It’s more like a plateau of contentment and fluffy particles in my head, ie: dreams. 

There’s many reasons as I explain to myself:

1. I’ve established a good rhythm at work, there’s always new challenges, but I do admit I’m coasting a little bit, as compared to last year at this time where I could not breathe. Looking back, I wonder what was so difficult at the time?  
2. Yesterday, I met a long lost friend for afternoon tea, she commented on she thought I should be in sales because I’m very sociable. I had to laugh in her face. I probably am the most anti-social out of my entire group of close friends. I don’t like people that much. I only interact with a select few. While this is not too suitable for a city of networking like Hong Kong, I can live with the circumstances. 
3. I have slowly adapted to the mentality of less-complaining. We are infinitely lucky already, yet every time I sit down–somebody has a complaint…with no active resolution. So to combat this mentality, I’ve made a conscious effort to diminish my own complaints. The world looks brighter! So what if people walk slow and don’t take out their garbage and cockroaches run free? 
4. Overall, I’d like to become more 內斂 as a person. Last night I spent a good 30 minutes on the phone with customer service of my credit card company, they are charging me $150CAD annual fee for my premium card. For 5 years in a row, I’ve had it waived or reduced but being brash and demanding and just a downright annoying customer. It’s almost like a bullying negotiation tactic. This year, I decided to try a different approach. I adopted a calm, reserved manner and logically laid out what I wanted. The 1st guy was probably a teenager, he basically didn’t understand my point. So I hung up and tried again, this time I got someone more seasoned and built my case based on my credit history, overseas purchases, and state of the credit card industry etc etc. based on business logic. I mean, he could have just been bored of hearing me talk and eventually waived $141 of my $150 bill. Success! A small step in my process to be a more perceptive as a person. Presence (if you don’t have it to begin with) doesn’t have to be forcefully INSTILLED (which was what I did before) but should be felt and projected in a non-onerous way. I know to a fair degree, I can be manipulative (I’m not talking about basic things like customer service harassment) , let’s try to make it less apparent, shall we?  
5. I really wish my parents forced me to take more Chinese calligraphy class as a child. I have started taking a class on weekends. It calms your soul.

 

 

我最近迷上古裝喜劇 “宮鎖心玉”

特別喜歡雍正與他心愛女人晴川的片段

殊不知他會當皇帝

在政權鬥爭中

根本無法跟晴川在一起

晴川會愛上他弟弟

但是那感情是淒美的

外加第一男主角根本不是他

是別人

可是我覺得他們兩個比較配

也許有一輪迴

有可能我是清朝人

對這些故事

我特別有感覺

小時後迷金庸瓊瑤

長大可是一點兒都沒少啊

 

 

 

2 months ago, i lost 1.5 big toe nails from a murderous pair of shoes @ a club.

i basically had effed up toes nails since February.

1 fell off completely, 1/2 ripped off and bled like mad (gross, i know)

after 2 months of intensive therapy, ie: had to use tweezers and anti-septic and rip off 1/2 a nail so it would grow back whole… i did this myself and my roommate saw the blood and thought i was trying to kill myself, anyways..painful but necessary…

i used mycocide for bacterial treatment, nail antisept from the pharmacy, 3 kinds of nail oil, nail serum, and 100% pure tea tree oil 3 times a day for 2 months

i am proud to announce my hard work has paid off: my toe nails have grown back smooth, unblemished, and i am soooooooo relieved.

nails are like teeth, if you mess it up, it might not grow back and you are stuck with f’ugly toes for life.

i am not joining the f’ugly-nails-club, proving cosmetic maintenance works. amen.