我必須承認

我就是很假掰那種人

以前念大學考試前一天我可能就在校園酒吧跟好友哈威猛灌啤酒

人家問說不是要考試了嗎?

我還要裝一副瀟灑樣

說反正沒救了就算了

等死還不如醉醺醺的死

其實根本念得要命

心裏有個譜才敢那麼狂妄

到現在這習慣還存在著

我不喜歡人家知道我很認真

我不喜歡人家知道我有下過苦功

我不喜歡甚至會隱滿我真正的目標

直到我有把握達到為止才會透漏消息

連我老爸老媽也不會很清楚我葫蘆裡賣啥藥

也不是說有心機

我只是喜歡讓人家覺得

人生好像可以不勞而獲

tonight’s pan-fried foie gras was extremely delicious. the wine selection was not-so-much.

at one point i thought to myself

since when did i become the type of girl who is picky about wine and even more selective about french food?

i don’t want to be that type of girl so i swallowed my words that i was about to mouth-off at the waiter for the sub-par bottle of margaux. 

is $182 the price to pay for self-awareness?

i owe 3 people 3 vastly different pieces of work. i’m behind on my case readings and even more so on class lectures. 

tonight, i had a global conference call with my team at 10pm, 8 minutes into the call i was already 8 minutes late for the movie i had waited ages and ages to watch.

so instead of spending another minute standing at the theater entrance cradled to my phone, i promptly hung up on everyone and send an email saying

“Sorry guys, can’t make it tonight, will send along updates via email” 

Life comes first…!

when i was in university, i had a good friend named Johnny. he was a very talented artist who unfortunately was not so talented in academic writing. to help him pass his art history courses and satisfy creative writing requirement, i used to edit or essentially, rewrite his essays. the way artistic people express themselves will forever remain an enigma. it doesn’t necessary follow any logical pattern. 

the way johnny’s essay drafts came to me, were essentially as if he threw up on a piece of paper.

once he gave me a blank sheet with many randomly drawn circles and dots and some art periods names written in a haphazard manner. 

i was like WTF is this.

he said “my art history essay” and proceeded to explain briefly how the circles related to the periods of renaissance art. 

what a disaster.

i was pissed off the whole time i was helping him with his essay. WTF is this randomness!

5 years later, i have Johnny’s Art History escapades for my uncanny ability to take very abstract ideas and visualize/verbalize them on paper.

now i have a new type of dilemma

the people willing me to take their randomness and inarticulate concepts and produce a logical deliverable, are reliant enough on my ability to interpret

that i find they stop learning how to articulate their ideas.

and again, i’m pissed off at the completely messed up, doesn’t make sense, handwritten drafts that are coming my way. 

as a society, i think we need to be increasingly articulate, not less so!!!

if i should stay…

i would only be in your way

so i’ll go

but i know

i’ll think of you every step of the way…

***

and i hope life treats you kind

and i hope you have what you dreamed of

but above all this

i wish you love…

*whitney still gives me the shivers*

rest in peace. 

i’m very hard on the people closest to me.

if i’m not hard on you, well, i probably don’t care enough to let you know what i really think.

today i told my friend he is a lazy selfish SOB and i meant every syllable of it. must resort to verbal insults when coaxing, prodding, encouragement does not work. 

numerous times in 2011 did i tell my best friend she is ridiculously half-witted and lacking human decency. yes and i used those words. thankfully, we are still friends. 

fundamentally, i don’t want to be harsh and mean. but what else is there when nothing else works!? 

oh man, i’m so gonna beat my kids. joking… 

我對感情很龜毛

可是對人生很放鬆

有沒有一點搞錯順序啊

應該是對人生比較認真

對感情比較隨和……..

wheeeeeeeeeeeee  i am the biggest sucker for hallmark-induced-valentine’s-day-flowers!

big thanks to the man who made it all possible. 

最近很心神不寧

早上起來會感覺很慌張

但是沒有確切理由

好像在害怕什麼

但是又說不出口

已經奮鬥兩天多了

還是不滿意結果

腦阿腦阿

不要在這時候故障好嗎

我突然好無助

這就是不把它當回事的後果

突然好多成語浮現

自食惡果最為恰當

okay so it’s friday night at 8:30pm, i’ve been at work since 7am and just wrapping up. 

two roads divided.

i’m supposed to have dinner w DT and his buddies; i have ditched them b/c i’m like, 2 hours…late.

i’m now supposed to go club/lounging w BL and some gals, but now the lazy bug has caught me.

i have to be back at work for 9am tomorrow on a SATURDAY…

so what do i do? do i go home and sleep and eat the congee i made this morning and wake up well-rested to do more work tomorrow?

or do i go get slightly wasted and not wake up until noon tomorrow hence wasting half my day.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.