i’ve been very secretive lately.

i feel like i carry alot of secrets. 

work secrets. family secrets. people secrets. my secrets.

so i sorta just shutdown and stop saying much in fear i might let slip something important.

i was whining to someone i’d like to get to know better about how i had a sh*tty day and was rather sick with cramps.

he gave me some cliche phrases of comfort and told me to go to bed. i behaved, i went to bed. 

he did not check up on me the next day. this is a great big X.

so now, i don’t think i need to know him better at all. 

i’m going through a phase where i’m trying alot of new things that is not second nature to me.

i literally brainwash myself into doing it. but i still haven’t come up with a verdict on whether it’s sustainable. 

i miss my freedom. 

for the very first time since i relocated to Toronto, i’m feeling really good. 

there are still many roadblocks but miraculously i am not complaining. 

i have a job i feel excited about, learning tons every day, able to apply what i know, and see great prospects

i’m enrolled again in courses i genuinely like and selected and i’m thrilled to be a student again 

i’ve brainstormed for a non-profit research project and currently seeking sponsorship from the government agency, and to a great cause i’m relieved to know i can contribute to

yet… i have not given up my personal life…meeting new people each week, some special some…extra-special… 

but all in all

high level of energy 

high level of excitement 

high level of endorphins 

i am quite thankful and elated.